Using DBT to Regulate as a New Parent

DBT Strategies can help navigate the emotional overwhelm faced by new parents

Throughout my pregnancy I got well-meaning advice from all directions - friends, family, colleagues, even strangers on the street. Sleep strategies, diaper hacks, must-have products, and post-partum care quickly became part of my new mental landscape.

What no one seemed to talk about, however, was how intense the emotional transition into parenthood can be.

As a local Vancouver therapist that specializes in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), I knew the transition to parenthood would be challenging - navigating sleepless nights, hormonal shifts, new routines and roles. But nothing—not even years of clinical experience—prepared me for the raw intensity of my own emotions after bringing my baby home.

With fragmented sleep, little time and a wriggly newborn strapped to my chest I remember racing out the door for a pediatric appointment - only to realize I had no idea how to install the car seat.

My frustration and anger caught me by surprise. I wanted to yell and scream and pound my fists at the weight of everything being asked of me in that moment. And then, I was ashamed—for feeling that way at all.

Wasn’t I supposed to be glowing with maternal joy, not melting down in a parkade?

The truth is: emotional overwhelm in the postpartum period is not unusual. Many new parents experience sudden waves of sadness, anger, anxiety, or intrusive thoughts. And yet, few feel permission to talk about it. There's a silent pressure to live up to an ideal of the “perfect parent”—a pressure that can amplify shame when reality doesn't match expectations.

On top of hormonal shifts and lack of sleep, parenting can stir up unresolved wounds or trauma from our own childhoods. And with limited social support, it’s easy to feel like we’re failing or doing it alone.

As I held my baby boy close to me, I knew I needed to respond differently. Not just for myself—but for him. I didn’t want to repeat patterns from my past. I wanted to model emotional awareness, self-compassion, and resilience. And thankfully, I had tools—skills I’d taught others for years.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan, is an evidence-based approach that blends mindfulness, emotional regulation, and practical behavioral strategies. While originally designed to support people with intense emotional sensitivity, DBT offers powerful tools that are incredibly relevant for new parents navigating big emotions in little moments.

Here are three DBT skills that helped me—and that can help you—stay grounded and connected as you grow into your role as a parent:

Self-Soothe

Use your senses to calm your nervous system and bring yourself back to the present. This skill is especially helpful if you experience shame or guilt after your emotions get out of control. When you feel like you’re spiraling, even one sensory experience can help bring you back to safety.

Try this: 

Create a list or a “soothe kit” with comforting items:

• Sight: A photo of your baby smiling, a nature video, flowers

• Sound: A favorite calming song, white noise, open the window and try to hear the birds or the rain

• Smell: Essential oils, your favorite tea, a candle

• Taste: A piece of dark chocolate or a warm drink

• Touch: A soft blanket, lotion, a comforting hand on your chest.

Opposite Action 

Use your wise mind to think through your emotions. When emotions take over, they often push us toward behaviors that make things worse. Instead of acting on the emotion, try engaging in some Opposite Action. 

Try it Out:

1. Name the emotion

2. Check the facts – is the emotion justified in the situation? Is its intensity helpful? Am I making assumptions? Assuming a threat or catastrophe will happen?

3. Do the opposite – If you’re anxious and want to avoid, take a small step instead. If you’re angry and want to lash out, walk away or try to connect.

TIPP 

Use your body chemistry to calm your nervous system. These strategies activate the parasympathetic nervous system, helping you move from panic to presence.

Try these ideas:

1. T – Temperature – splash cold water on your race of hold an ice pack to reduce intense emotion

2. Intense Exercise – Move your body for 5-10 minutes to release adrenaline in your body

3. Paced Breathing – Inhale for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts to slow your heart rate and let your body know its safe

4. Progress Muscle Relaxation – Tense and release each muscle group to increase blood flow to our body, brain and heart to start to rest

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

If you’re a new parent feeling overwhelmed, know this:

you are not broken—and you are not alone.

It’s okay to need support. In fact, asking for help is one of the most courageous and loving things you can do for yourself and your family.

At our clinic, we specialize in Trauma-Informed DBT Therapy and work with new parents who want to build resilience, regulate emotions, and break generational cycles. We offer:

• In-person DBT counselling in Vancouver

• Online therapy across BC, Ontario, and Alberta

• Group DBT programs tailored for trauma and parenting support

  
  

Parenthood is hard—but healing is possible. And it’s okay to start small.

Reach out today to speak with a DBT-trained therapist in Vancouver. Let us walk alongside you as you navigate the beautiful, messy, and deeply human experience of becoming a parent.