Why Do My Emotions Feel More Intense Compared to Other People?
- April Griffin
- Sep 11
- 4 min read
For most of my life, I’ve wondered—like many of our counselling clients—why do my emotions feel so much more intense than other people’s?
Growing up, I was extremely emotionally sensitive—especially to social rejection, criticism, and failure. When I tell people who didn’t know me back then, they are often surprised, because they don’t see that side of me now. But for those who knew me as a child and young adult, my sensitivity was obvious. I struggled with perfectionism and would be visibly upset if I didn’t get a high grade in school or if I felt I was doing poorly in learning something new. Now, as a mother to sensitive children, I now see firsthand how difficult it can be to manage friendships, successes, and losses with such intensity.
In my personal life experience, being a mother, and in working with hundreds of clients who struggle with intense emotions at Emotion Wise Counselling I have developed unique insight into the many reasons why people feel emotions so strongly and what helps to tame these intense emotions.
Many people who feel emotions this strongly carry deep shame- often from childhood when they first began experiencing emotions intensely. They may believe they’re “worse” than others because they’ve failed at regulating their emotions so many times. Watching peers seem to handle their feelings with ease can be painful, and many are left thinking: “I’m too much.”
At Emotion Wise Counselling in Vancouver, we often meet clients who want both practical skills to manage overwhelming emotions and a deeper understanding of why they experience emotions so intensely.
Why Do Some People Have More Intense Emotions?
There are several factors that can influence why emotions feel stronger for some people than others:
1. Biology: Are Some People Born More Sensitive?
Some people are wired for sensitivity from birth. Parents often notice differences in their children’s temperaments—even as infants. While it’s still unclear how much is due to DNA or epigenetics, research suggests that sensitivity and emotional intensity likely have a biological basis.
2. Neurodivergence: Autism and ADHD
Autism: Autistic individuals may experience intense emotional reactions to triggers that differ from neurotypical peers. A change in routine, certain sounds, or uncomfortable textures may spark an autistic meltdown. Recognizing these differences is essential for finding effective coping strategies.
ADHD: Many people with ADHD experience Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)—a painful emotional reaction to real or perceived rejection, criticism, or failure. While RSD is not a formal diagnosis, increasing awareness helps people with ADHD understand and cope with their emotions more effectively.
3. Trauma: How Past Experiences Shape Emotional Intensity
Trauma plays a powerful role in emotional regulation. For example, research shows that children who experience bullying are far more likely to develop anxiety than those who do not. Similarly, studies suggest that over 90% of people diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder report a history of trauma. PTSD itself is marked by overwhelming emotional responses.
4. Environment: Family of Origin and Learned Responses
Our early environment has a lasting impact. In some families, emotional outbursts may have been the only way to get needs met. In others, strong feelings may have been invalidated or even punished. Without consistent support and validation, children often grow up without the skills to self-soothe or regulate their emotions.
5. Society: Why Cultural Norms Make It Harder
Western culture restricts when and where emotions are considered acceptable—mostly at sports events, concerts, or in expressions of love. Unlike cultures with communal rituals for grief, joy, or mourning, we often lack healthy outlets for emotions. This can make life especially difficult for people with naturally intense feelings.
6. Learned Behaviour: Patterns That No Longer Work
Sometimes, intense emotional reactions (crying, yelling, shutting down) were useful in childhood—either modeled by caregivers or effective in getting needs met. Over time, however, these patterns may no longer serve us. Often, the “big” emotion we see (anger, frustration) is covering a deeper, more vulnerable one.
What Role Does Shame Play in Intense Emotions?
Shame often carries painful messages about who we are and how we feel. While it tries to protect us from rejection, it often creates new problems instead. In response to shame, we may:
Berate or criticize ourselves
Withdraw and isolate
Engage in self-harm or destructive coping
Unfortunately, shame can create a vicious cycle: feeling emotions intensely → feeling ashamed of those emotions → experiencing even stronger emotions.
How Can I Learn to Manage Intense Emotions?
The first step is understanding why your emotions feel so strong. Consider:
Is there undiagnosed mental health conditions?
Is your environment too stressful?
Are you still carrying unprocessed trauma?
Do you have effective coping strategies—or do you need to learn new ones?
At Emotion Wise Counselling in Vancouver, we create personalized treatment plans to help you:
Build self-understanding and acceptance
Reduce shame and self-criticism
Identify triggers and patterns
Process trauma
Strengthen coping and emotion regulation skills
From my own journey, I’ve found three skills to be most powerful:
Self-Acceptance: Through supportive relationships and community, I learned to accept myself while also respecting healthy boundaries.
Mindfulness & Checking the Facts: Skills from DBT taught me to pause before reacting, challenge distorted thoughts, and make wiser choices.
Reducing Negative Self-Talk: Over time, I replaced harsh judgments with neutrality—and slowly, with compassion. This continues to be a lifelong practice.
Where Can I Get Help in Vancouver for Intense Emotions?
At Emotion Wise Counselling, our therapists specialize in helping people who struggle with intense emotions and emotion regulation issues. Many of our team members are trained in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), and we also offer a Trauma-Informed DBT Group at our downtown Vancouver office.
🌱 You don’t have to keep feeling like your emotions are “too much.” With the right support, skills, and understanding, it is possible to feel calmer, more balanced, and more confident in yourself.
👉 Reach out today to book a consultation with a Vancouver therapist and take the first step toward transforming how you experience and manage your emotions.